20

A square within squares made of  squares
Measured off by foot and by inch
What's life but a pattern, repeats
First dirt, then the wash and the rinse.
Each tile laid, a tedious chore
Each one a piece of something more
Come together, still but a floor
Never ceiling, never a door.
Carefully measured monotone
A maze that harbors no escape
Patterns and mess, clutter and stress
And all to make captives seem safe.
But what if somebody broke free?

19

Deep water, my friend, cover me
For I have already been drowned
Swam with demons in infinite sea
Never again to be found.
I lost my way in the desert
I found winding paths in the dark
That led me to you, led me to hurt
Like a tree stripped of it's bark.
Laid bare by furious oceans
Poured over by thunderous rage
Drowned in a sea, I did not come clean
I did not start a blank page.
I just kept on swimming with Hate
And my shoulder angel went black
My shoulder demons started to date
Then plunged a knife in my back.
I should have foreseen it, did not
For I was too baptized in sin
That all things of grace I forgot
Took devils out for a spin.
Deep water, my friend, cover me
For I have already been drowned
Betrayed myself, what I couldn't see
Is a way that I could be found.

18

Mausoleum, let me inside
Turn to blind these haunted eyes
Let darkness come and take its toll
For I'm afraid of growing old.
Mausoleum, take me in
My sight is tired, my senses thin
Too many wrongs have I done
For I was afraid of dying young.
Mausoleum, kill the lights
Because death is not a thing for sight
Let terror come in horror's horde
For I'm afraid of dying bored.
Mausoleum, dark your plot
Too much time for things forgot
Too many whispers in the night
I won't come in without a fight.

17

I'm in a state of ennui
The secret, to aimlessly be
To stare and to stare, and ne'er to see
Ennui, ennui, killing me.
Does no compassion beat in your breast?
Does ne'er your villainy sleep?
If repose finds you not, nor rest,
To whom is entrusted soul's  keep?
Ennui, ennui, you're all that I see
Angst and emotion void sympathy
I stare at a bird, ne'er do I see
Ennui lurking close, stare at me
Abyss gazing habits, ennui
For abyss gazes back into me
If I gaze too long, a monster I'll be
A soul without thought, the monster Ennui.
Ennui, ennui, killing me
If I could care, what would I be?
A wish and a dare, a solemn prayer
Anything but this ennui.

16

We all want to be wanted
Just once to have somebody say
"You don't have to go
Are you sure you must leave
Baby, oh why don't you stay?"
Just once to hear somebody say
"Can you hold on one minute
While I catch my breath
And I'll journey with you
Whatever the way.
Yes, I'll be beside you
And let come what may."
And I was once just like the rest.
Nobody wants to be lonely
Nobody wants to watch everyone leave
Watching their life fall through a sieve
Sifted, threshed, and blown away.
Just once to hear somebody speak
"I'm not ready to go yet
I'll linger a while
I'm not that tired,
I'll stay one more mile."
Just once to feel somebody's heat.
And I was once just like the rest.
But none of it ever came true
I'm just as forgotten as you
The cubicle without a view
The long list of things I would do
If someone would travel along
But no one is singing my song
Or I'm singing one no one else is.
Perhaps I am haunted
Forever unwanted
And a bit lonely, that too.

15 (2.0)

Oh mighty howling wind
That whistles with no end
From nowhere to the same
Scouring every open vein
In fury, world's are changed.
Gone in but a single gust
Stripped down to our very rust
Eroded there for all to see
Electric fire our destiny
The needle strikes but once
Filled with cinders from on high
The howling, prowling drawing nigh
The lowing stowing promised pain
The whisper gently kissing veins
We truly think we stand to gain
But nothing ever wears such ire
As majestic electric fire
And escapes to live to tell
So hurricane, scour well
And of the lives we take and sell
Leave no trace behind.

15

With a push I begin
The visions won't end
Until in a moment
I stop
Did I live through the drop
A flickering screen
What remains of the scene
Of my desperate hour
Of seconds
Did I start what I've done
Is it too late to shun
The very push that sent me
A-spinning?
Tumbling over the edge of a cliff
In a flat spin near the void  of abyss
What's a choice worth
If resulting in this
Wishing I could cancel a wish
Because my feet don't tell where I'm looking
How did I turn into mush
From just a single push?

14

Made of soap, I'm soft

So soft I chip away

I cannot cope, I'm lost

And nothing bids me stay

My absent hope, I'm tossed

Into storms made of gray

Thus I mope, I'm dross

Trampled down into the clay

Thrown a rope, star-crossed

Oh how dark my way

Thrown a rope, turned loose

From laurel's victory array.

Thrown a rope, turned noose

You take my breath away.

13

Lord save us from ourselves
A sickness steeps inside.
Lord save us from ourselves
These hands that pierce your side.
Lord save us from ourselves
These tongues that shout "Barabbas"
And from our murd'rous hearts and looks
Save us, Oh Lord, save us.
From all the good that we would do
Save us, Oh Lord, save us.
From all the things we think are true
Save us. Dear Lord, save us.
Too public with our point of view
Too private with our love of you
Save  us, Lord God, save us.
Save us from our lustful eyes
Lord save us from ourselves.
Save us from our foolish pride
Lord save us from ourselves.
Save us from our hearts, they lie
Lord rescue us, come save us.
And from our evil, from our greed
From our desperate, aching need
From our infected souls, indeed
From ourselves, Lord save us.

12

Ain't nothin' mean what nothin' mean
Shape of things don't mean a thing
All flags turn some shade of green
Give 'em enough time.
Churches shill while  spewin' spit
'Fraid to put a name to it
But hate ain't needin' words to get
Its message driven home..
Why do color matter more
Than talent, why our very core
Get kicked around, so sick and sore
We don't know ourselves no more.
Why the moon man gotta die
Just cause he lonely as I?
Or cause his castle made of sky
Done made your mansion tame?
Why take away the moon man cheese?
Ain't no air, so ain't no breeze
Eatin' all he got to please
Himself and pass the time.
When the moon go dark, does he sleep
Does he hide there, does he weep
Know you kill everything that keep
The moon man in the sky?
Why all fairy tales so dark?
Could be cause 'side us, the spark
That warns the watchin' dog to bark
Done shriveled up and died.
Infection came and rot creep in
Livin' underneath the bin
Where we toss old ideas in
If they ain't lead to green.
Oh we done did our own selves in..

11

I have heard many say
They would die on a hill
As if orthodoxy
Is an act of the will
Some have said they would gladly
Be hung, shot or gored
They would be ripped apart
Struck down with the sword
Just for love, for a cause
For a word from their Lord.
Some would swim oceans
To show their devotion
But I am not such a man
I pray that you might understand
I'd like to be brave
Wear your name to the grave
Bear life's push and shove
While maintaining my love
But I don't, and I fail
I'm as crumbling shale
I'm not sturdy enough.
Yet if I could be tough
There's one death I'd embrace
One glance at glory
One touch of grace
Yes, I could bear death
For a glimpse of your face.

10

The feelings flit, flit, flutter by
Like butterflies in a storm
A cold sweat and a weary sigh
Cheeks are pale but face is warm.
Embarrassment the same as love
Heartbreak the same as trust
Gentle caresses with boxing gloves
A hurricane with gentle gusts.
A single touch a hammer blow
Locked knees and eyes roll back
A simple glance, I'll never know
When everything went black.
What can be done, there's no defense
Indescribable deception
A signal jammed, a missed pretense
A failure of reception.
Who am I to know you
Who are you to know me
What are dreams to come true
What if they do, will I see?

9

I cannot think of what to write
The words, they are as haunting wights
Flitting in and out of lights
Ling'ring just beyond my sight.
This hollow cavern in my chest
Where the beating box that held my best
Is merely now a place to rest
For Vice, on his passing by
As if he needs a place to lie
When lies are all he's ever told.
I wonder where my heart was sold
And if I could find it, if I should try
Or if it rightfully stays shy
Aware, so aware, of past behests
That it not betray it's presence, lest
From it's hibernated rest
My conscience should at last alight
And steer this ship to better sights
For what I loath sleeps close at nights
And I cannot turn these wrongs to right.

8

Pandora, Pandora
Come 'way with me
For your cage is now opened
And I would be free.
Pandora, Pandora
Fly 'way with me
Your madness is spreading
I'm a hatter at tea.
Oh dearest Pandora
Stay close to me
For I would look closer
To see is to be.
Pandora, Pandora
Oh sweet agony
What have I done
That you do this to me?
Pandora, Pandora
I shout as I flee
Your chaos abounding
Brings the world to a knee.
Oh fearsome Pandora
Stay far from me
For your box houses poison
And I am a key.

7 (2.0)

It's sad that there's a reason why.

Hearts break that why's a question

As though every single haunting cry

Is another misdirection.

Why do we need a reason

to heal

to feel 

to steal

light back from where heartache hid it.

A reason for prayer

to care

to share

some small fragment of our souls.

Why is need not enough

Why is our conscience so tough

That only catastrophe can reach it?

What if these leprosy hands

Didn't have to beg "understand"

As they blister and peel?

What if mercy was real

What if to heal

Was reason enough?

What if to give mattered more

Than whatever the score

Of this us versus them

That we're playing to win

When the winner has more than enough

And the prize is consuming more stuff?

What if needing a reason is reason enough

To ask empty hands

If we're already damned

If we need to look for a reason.

7

I wish that I could disappear
Somewhere to forget the fear
That keeps me now from drawing near
Though that is all I want to do
Come closer still to you.
Touch your hair, your skin, your face
But I'm possessed of  awkward grace
I'm out of time, and thus displaced
From all I want to do
Come closer still to you.
I want to trek forgotten roads
Seeing where forever goes
Find our digits so entwined
Our souls converging as we climb
Find life's hidden hallelujahs
Rejoicing in the way God drew us
Oh, it's all I want to do
But I'm so scared of you
Scared that even if you tell me to
Come closer still to you
You'll be all that I don't want to lose
And all I'm still afraid to choose.

6

Here in the middle of my faults
This endless march of screeching halts
Treading paths of haze
This wasting all my days
I wonder where you are.
Here in the progress of my doubt
My demons now are creeping out
Feels like grace is stuck in park
Thus I'm walking in the dark
And I wonder where you are.
Here in the rising of the tides
I'm scared of who I am inside
This praying for my prayers
This confusion why I care
I wonder where you are.
Here in the turning of my heart
A Lego house, I come apart
I'm lost against the darkened grey
I feel as though I'll fade away
And I wonder where you are.

5

A picture hanging on a wall

Footsteps whisper down the hall

Floorboards creak and squeak and sigh

Is this real or a morbid lie?

Monsters underneath the bed

Pillows warm beneath your head

Tiptoes, scratches, gnawing dread

Synapses fire, else you're dead.

To stay, to flee, to close your eyes

Get up and pray you reach the lights

Whatever dwells just out of sight

Is crawling, squirming in the night.

Your closet door puffs open

You hold your breath, still hoping

That the skeletons that you keep

Will rise and leave while you're asleep

And never notice you're alive.

4

If we exist by some design

Why are we still so undefined?

If there is a love so reckless

Why are we still so restless?

If we are made on purpose

Why is it that 'neath the surface

There's only empty space?

We're just a pretty face

Masking simmered hate

Hiding our disheveled state

Beneath precocious garb.

Is this really all we are?

Is forever really just a vast

Wasteland? Do we really pass

Into the void, gone as a gasp?

Made from clay, or ash to ash?

Who do we think we are?

Or are we truly who we think?

3

Wrapped inside this disarray
Devolved, this bondage to decay
This slow dissolving into ash
A cyclone made of dust and trash
Of lives destroyed and damage done.
Thank God I'm the only one.
For I'm disaster in a shell
Destruction cloaked in skin
I'm fleeing heaven, draped in hell
Burning from within.
My enemy wears my skin
And my defense is wearing thin
My self is showing through
Oh God, the awful hue,
The colors are all out of tune
Lord, what am I to do?

2

I dreamed a dream the other night

I dreamed a dream of flight

And in this dream I dreamed I dreamt

There was no ground in sight

I dreamed of gold and shiny wings

Made from all the finest kings

Wisdom passed through all the ages

I dreamed my wings were forged of sages

Made of magic, woven light

I dreamed I flew throughout the night

And in the morning when I woke

I dreamed my wings were curling smoke

Wisping off into the sky

I dreamed my dreams were all a lie

That I found my wings were made of wax

That I was sleeping on my back

And that I could not fly.

Then at last I woke.

1

Everything begins
And so everything must die
Thus as the death inside us ends
We start to come alive.
Everything has an end
For even God must die
To bring to pass the very ash
That holds the spark of time.
To bring to pass the very last
Moment of our demise
And let everything begin
Indeed, begin again.

We tout our generosity
Ignoring animosity
For what does mere calamity
Know about magnanimity?
We think that anonymity's
More horrible than infamy
'Tis better dealt in treachery
Than fading to ignominy
Blinded by our impotence
We mistake it for magnificence
And amble with due diligence
Toward our own impermanence
Sightless for thinking we can see.
Undaunted by our arrogance
Unhaunted by the whims of chance
A game's  a name for a lover's dance
Addicted fools are we.
And should we ever realize
That our very soul is atrophied
We only pause to wonder why
We did not exorcise (it sooner)
For what is conscience but a disease?
So we sit among the petrified
Entombed by truths we told as lies
Alone but for unbroken pride
Unaware we're on our knees.

I am a god
Relentless and powerful
Unfettered and free.
I am the king of all that I see
All I am now
All I ever will be.
A leaf on the breeze
Blown toward the sea.
Tiny and dead
Forgetten in deed.
I am the sea
Tumultuous, changeless
Changing and free.
Blow by the winds
And pulled by the breeze.
Held by the moon
In a lock with no key.
Controlled by forces still greater than me.
Trailing along in gravity's greed.
A wake for a wake
There are no good deeds,
A little man with cut strings
Is no mystery
Just floating along on the infinite sea.
Not a god, not a lake
Not even a breeze
Just a leaf on the wind
'Neath the King of all see.