So again, it begins
This solemn-faced pantomime of sincerity
Where we burnish our image
Under the guise of self-sacrifice.
Self-improvement masquerades as commitment
And weight loss hides in the pretense of faith.
This barefoot dance through needle-strewn streets
And condom infested back alleyways
Daring God to call our fatal bluffs.
For fatal they are.
We cling to the trivial to surrender the infinite
Embracing the terminal at the expense of the cure
We give up what will not cost us
And pretend what little we lose grieves us the more.
Day 2
In that moment past time
One step off the ledge
The post-depression,
Pre-impact frame
That extended infinity
Of misplaced serenity
Underwritten by confusion and pain
Rewound, would we again?
Most think not a chance
That each final glance
Is a moment frozen in fear
But I suspect as I neared
I'd feel free
That I'd simply be
Suspended and floating in space
Surrendered at last to my place
As a soul out of time
Day 3
Come softly, Kaleidoscope face
Come gently, lest whimsy erase
One fraction of torment
One wrinkle of grace.
Each second a lifetime portrayed
Each twitch a journey conveyed
To the whispering eye
That observes and surveys.
Come closer, Kaleidoscope face
That each passing moment might know it's place
In the caressing and grasping
Of love's silk embrace.
Each moment lingering here
Here, in the absence of fear
Just you drawing near
Just drawing you near.
Day 4
Sandpaper eyes and a drill-set smile
Manipulation all the while
My features beg you look away.
Gunshot eyes with a bloodshot sigh
Everything you see's a lie
I told you firmly tongue in cheek.
Sandpaper eyes and rattlesnake fangs
Hiding my face behind grim reaper bangs
To tell you I'm merely shy.
To tell you this isn't a lie
A facade, a subtly charming nod
Meant to defer all your doubts
Bringing your inner sheep out
By hiding my dragon inside
By masking murderous intent with tired eyes
And making it seem there's an angel one side
When really, both shoulders wear death.
Day 5
Stuck in time's hamster wheel
New spin, the same feel
New date, the same day
New path, the same way
Same hair, some more grey.
Hair's a little more thin
Still sin the same sins
Face a little more lined
Still waste the same time
More thoughts have I heard
Yet still write the same words
Forever absurd.
Stuck in time's hamster wheel
New run, the same deal
Just pacing in place
To my shame and disgrace
Just spinning my life away
With each pace.
Day 6
A collision course with destiny
Preset by divine hands
Postponed by mortal recipe
Of two parts fear, one part plans
And years of sin and stupid.
My conscience, a tiny Cupid
With a small, yet flaming bow
Sending constant piercings
In the hopes that one will show
And reveal a character not yet seen
A courage not yet unveiled
Life behind long tattered wings
But I'm sure his bow will fail
For I've dodged too many prayers
To look faith in the eye.
Day 7
Some people have Everest souls
Full of soaring peaks
Forged by difficult paths
That claim all but the most steadfast of spirits
And lay waste to competent hearts.
Some people have Pacific souls
A vast and tempestuous reach
Full of wonder, forged in wrath
The awe of all who near it
Of life and death, the end and the start.
Some people have Mount Rushmore souls
Greatness is all that they seek
A legacy that will last
Yet, they also fear it
To be defined is to have played a part.
And some unfortunate few
Have gulfs, bays and reefs
Potential and grandeur, and a few leaks
Close enough to glory to hear it
But never quite able to enter it's heart.
And I, I have a pond
And would give all that I own
For even one inch of Everest.
Day 8
Empty
The mud cracks in my veins
Where blood ran
When thoughts occurred.
Empty
But so filled with pain
From injuries gathered
When death demurred.
Empty
There's nothing inside
But long dusty pages
Tomes upon tomes of tombs.
Empty
Even of pride
Though not quite yet of fear
In these hardback prison rooms.
Empty
Feeble and dumb
Mistakes compounded by lies
A cage of cracking spines.
Empty
The wrong side of numb
Beyond pins and needles
Where nothing resides
In empty words on empty pages
Rattling empty cages
With hauntingly empty lines.
Day 9
The roadside rambler
Wayfaring meanderer
Destitute soleless soul
Walking for love
Blurring cars shove
The rambler off of his path
Once you were there
With ash in your hair
My own trial by fire
You walked away
I followed one day
But the trail was long cold
So I wander along
On a dream and a song
Hoping I'll hope once again
But 'til then
If and when
Are my closest friends
And doubt holds me close late at night.
Day 10
Why is all I love inconsequential?
Nothing divine nor providential
Awash in choices all sequential
Stemming off with one potential
Namely, courting death.
I chose wrong initially
Courted vice permissively
Doubled down on misery
And went all in on death.
The problem here is probably
The only thing I love is me
And I'm always chasing death.
Day 11
The whole world's karaoke
On infinite repeat
Uniform originality
Collectively unique
(and off-key)
Everyone is singing someone else's song
Writing someone else's book
Acting in yet another play
All slightly worse than the original
(and saying the same thing)
Everyone is remaking this
Covering that
Recasting this
And recoloring that
And the result is karaoke
Loud, brash and mostly misplaced
Basking in another's greatness
Claiming, mistaking it for our own
Not realizing that the whole damn world's on repeat.
Day 12
Dusk sky a canvas
Reflecting truth
In shades we can't comprehend
Palettes unfurled
In majesty's proof
That glory will always transcend
What little we grasp
With our tired, dying eyes
What little we rasp
With our tired, dying lies
What tiny amount our minds can contain
Come thunderhead laden with rain
Come hues of warning
Echoes of pain
Come dichotomous, triumphant strains
Of color, of sound, or of joy
Come silent shades of infinite noise
Sunset
Come sunset
Come truth.
Day 13
Decisions caked in consequence
Refract in dusty tears
A lie lived out for all my years
To hide, to hide away
For some, there comes a day
For me, there's only night
And one decision's ripe rewards.
I once had a friend
For that is what I called them
But daily on a whim
I let them down again
With crocodile tears I'd swear
I'd be better after e'er
And each time the lie was easier told.
So many wrongs, so often done
Yet in the end, twas only one
I lied and said I saw the sun
Yet lived in night and left good undone.
Day 14
There was a girl, once
She's not there anymore.
I fell in love, once
It's not there anymore.
I sold my soul, once
Then once more for sure
I sold my soul, once
It's not there anymore.
I really believed, once
I believed and was sure
That I believed, once
But not anymore.
I had a dream, once
I was safe and secure
I dreamed a dream, once
I don't dream anymore.
I saw the sea, once
I stood on it's shore
I saw the sea once
But I don't go anymore.
I loved a girl, once
Knew our love would endure
I loved a girl, once
She's not there anymore.
I prayed a prayer, once
I don't pray anymore.
I talked to God, once
I don't talk anymore.
I was all here, once
Of that I am sure
I was all here, once
But it's not once anymore.
