Pigeon. Part Deux

Things that I can do better than a pigeon:

1.  Eat Tacos.

2.  Watch baseball

3.  Mooch.

4.  Look like an idiot.

Yeah.  I got nothing.  The pigeon wins.  Damn.

In additional news, i HATE the internet.

Why I HATE the internet:

1.  Because now everyone can share what they are thinking.  On the obvious plus side, now more ideas, information and knowledge is shared.  On the obvious downside - now everyone who thinks they have something to say says it.  Seriously, shut up already.

2.  I don't care that you have a blog.  I really don't.  You can link to it and I'll read it.  You can mention it online.  But the second you start talking about what you said in your blog in real life, you have officially become an idiot.  I'm pretty sure that's even in the dictionary.

3.  Facebook.

4.  Facebook friends.  Seriously, enough already.  Every status does not have to express how much you hate Obama.  We got it the first 9000 times.  These new status updates are not funny, cute, clever, or insightful - they just mean you can't grow up and get over something.

5.  Al Mohler.  Not only am I unfortunate enough to go to his seminary - I get an email EVERY time he updates his blog.  Really?  I mean, realllllly?  If he's that desperate for an audience, why doesn't he do something actually constructive instead of blogging?

6.  Abortion.  I can think of about 1700000000000000000000000 other issues I'd like to hear people talk about - and that's just off the top of my head.  Included in that list are things like: the mechanics of gay sex, Eleanor Roosevelt's denture analysis, Jon and Kate,  and sermons by Joel Osteen and Tim Lahaye.

And . . .  (Drumroll please)

7.  Christians.  Christians make the internet a terrible place.  It's great that you love Jesus - really, it is.  But every blog entry, facebook status, and quote does not have to be about Jesus.  You are allowed to talk about other things, to reference other things, to enjoy books that are not Scripture.  I'm fairly certain God gets annoyed with you also.  He probably sits up there, listening to mentions of His name, reacting hopefully, then sinking back sadly because He realizes you didn't mean it, you just thought it was what you had to do.  So, for the actual love of God, stop.

In a world that is desperate for the truly human

We demand the right to be inhumane

To forge our own destinies, the sleeping insane

In a word that ends in an "e"

Which personifies our collective silence

Our tainted, ever-drifting grasp

And we claim we are only human

When we are merely what we were before

A rib could elicit a gasp.

So concerned with our appearance

We failed to ever appear, begging for another minute

To make another change, thinking it fashionable

To arrive late, only to never arrive at all

A perennial no-show in moments of chance

By design, by fate, or by choice

Our reflection has lost its voice

Because we no longer see the eyes of the furious Dreamer

That could rescind the world at a glance,

And we affected apathy to the point

That we never affected anything at all,

Because while we thought we arrived

We could never see what they saw.

Pigeon. Part 1

A list of things that your typical, run-of-the-mill pigeon could do better than I can.

1. Poop on statues.
2. Fly
3. Lay Eggs
4. Dance
5. Play Foosball
6. Speak Spanish
7. Study
8. Sleep

They are all completely and indisputably true. Don't even attempt to argue with me, or I will send trained gerbil assassins after you.

In other news, I am bored and have nothing to do. Al Mohler would probably say that I should go out and evangelize. I tend to think I should sleep or play msn games or watch a movie. So tell me, dear reader, which should I do?