So, I confess: I'm an idiot.
I am stupid, I am ignorant, I am cowardly.
Or, to say it again, I'm an idiot.
I've spent a lifetime following people. I've spent a lifetime trusting that other people really did have my best interest at heart - and so I've followed their plans. I still believe in their intentions, but I no longer believe in their path.
I've been confused and stupid about many ideas and beliefs. I thought stewardship only applied to time and money. I probably owe Brandon an apology on that point. I always thought the less money spent, the better. Turns out that is not the case. I never thought that I had to be a good steward of my soul. But apparently, one does.
What's the point of learning doctrines and ideas and never being prepared for doing what you were made to do? What's the point of getting an education on the cheap when it doesn't work for you, makes you angry, and causes you to run from truth.
I'm not going to bash Southern here - but Southern is not a place for people who desire a life of social justice missions. Southern trains preachers and professors - and I don't much care to be either one.
It's not working out financially either. I may well have to take time off to work before going back to school - and I'm certainly not going to work to go someplace I don't enjoy being, that does nothing for my soul, for my mind, or to further prepare me for what I feel I have to do with my life.
I did all my work for the entire semester in a 2 day span - the final two days before I came home. I still made A's and B's for the semester - it's that simple so far. I need a greater challenge than that.
But more than anything, I've followed friends - and as much as I love them, I can't follow people forever. The only way to take control of my life is to lose control of it, and go someplace where I can be trained to be whomever I am meant to be.
I may come back for the fall semester, but not beyond that.
It's time to stop following and become.
I'm transferring.
booyah suckas.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've been reading a book lately that has kind of shattered my past views of God's will. I guess my background is that "if you pray for something and pray His will, God will answer or not and whether he does one or the other, that's what you should do." This book says that if we are being obedient to Him and His word (which the author also goes into the part where all the Bible really speaks to is issues of morality...if we follow God's moral will regarding our us/him relationship and our us/everyone else relationships, we're following his moral will. Clear enough), "knowing" or "finding" God's will shouldn't be an issue. If we don't make stupid and unwise decisions, based on His word and God's heart for a moral heart, we'll be ok.
Back to making sense: I'm elated you're transferring. I didn't think Moody was the place for you (I wanted you here for selfish reasons. Selfish me...). But I wasn't completely sold on Southern either. I want you to be joyful (!) and happy to hear God's voice, but I could tell you were neither in the last year. Do what you need to do, man. Linds loves you.