Frustrated

For the first time in my life, I'm doing things right.

I'm going to church "religiously" - to make a bad pun. But seriously, I've found a church I really enjoy and I'm going every week.

I'm doing my homework as it is assigned, rather than as it is due or after it is due. My Greek homework is always done by Saturday night despite not being due until Tuesday. I take my quizzes the first day they are made available instead of the last, which means I am up to date on all my quiz reading and study material.

I am completely neat and tidy. I find things to clean because I am so bored.

I'm not dating a sociopath. O course, I'm not dating anyone, but that's a step above my typical alternative.

I'm not turning down opportunities to be with friends, to be social, to get to know random people.

I'm eating lots and lots of salads and fruit - primarily because our cafeteria food would kill a whale.

And I feel worse than I have ever felt in my life. My body hurts constantly. My ribs burn, my stomach hurts and bleeds, my chest, shoulders and knees ache constantly. I've had multiple kidney stones and I seem to randomly run a fever every other week.

Yet when I ate primarily pizza, never went to church, never did my work, was completely anti-social and dating a sociopath, I felt great.

Is this the lesson? That when we get our lives together, we die? Why do I always feel like hell?

I am frustrated.