When I Rule the World

- All Bible college graduates will be forced to spend a year working in an urban setting before applying for seminary or church jobs.

- All university and graduate school presidents will be forced to eat all of their meals in their school's cafeteria until they learn to serve their students good food.

- People who make the same ridiculous statement at least 3 times will be forced to act upon their statement. For example: "Every time I see Obama, I feel the need to throw up." (Actually heard today). Upon uttering this statement 3 times, the speaker will then be forced to vomit every time he/she sees Obama, or until they learn to keep their mouths shut.

- Drunks will have to attempt at least half of their boasts.

- People who hold religious and political views that allow them to preach racism will be forced to wear clothes stating their views at all times, in all situations, around all people groups.

- Guys who cannot aim in the bathroom will be required to pee sitting down.

- People who refuse to wash their hands will be sent to Dirty Jobs, forced to work, and then given lunch with no opportunity to wash.

- Anyone who refers to homeless people as "lazy bums" and "thieves" will be required to trade places with them.

- Anyone who roundly condemns all forms of contraception will be required to raise all the children produced by people who are not mentally and financially mature enough to raise them.

- The complete works of Shakespeare will be required reading for everyone. Romeo & Juliet will be surreptitiously removed from all copies and hidden until my death, and hopefully the world will forget its existence.

- Sopranos will be required to own very large houses.

- There will be baseball. Lots of baseball. And tacos. And pound cake.

- People who deliberately misrepresent other points of view will be arrested and forced to listen to their own view dismantled for 8 hours a day for 6 months.

- People who base their opinions on other people's opinions will be subjected to the real thing, and forced to campaign on its behalf.

- People who own cats will not live within 100 miles of me.

- All alarm clocks will be manufactured without snooze buttons.

- Chaos will still find a way. So will Jesus.