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I don't know
That I believe
Because if You're still good
Why am I still me?
What am I missing,
What can't I see?
Sometimes I pray
Just to ease my own shame
Sometimes I don't pray at all
But if I don't believe
When I'm down on my knees
Do I really believe You at all?
If I do not change
If I'm always the same
I think I'm committing a fraud
Wearing a name to which I don't belong.
But that's always the case
I'm a name without face
Praying a prayer I don't mean
But I wish that I did.
Yet my sins so increase
As I fall at Your feet
I fear Your mercy has missed
For how else could I be this
Unless, in truth, I don't believe
Perhaps too proud to receive
Too dumb to perceive
But I wish that I did.
God how I wish that I did.