Poems

ONE

Behind rusty locks and tarnished gates

Chimera sleeps, Chimera waits

For time to break the spell

To release him from his cell

For man cannot tame hell

Alone, within his soul.

Monster, wearing chains of old

Rages, paces, in the cold

Recesses of my heart

Waiting, waiting, for his part

To breathe his fire, work his art

Of pain, of hatred and despair

His hate curdles the very air

And his cage is only me

So hear now, my desperate plea

Kill the beast, don't let him free

Kill Chimera inside of me.

TWO

No words could write a poem

To convey my depths of grief

For my sorrows are an ocean

And my virtue but a reef

Worn away by tide and time

Stolen, as though by thief

By years of constant failings

Now guilt my only fief

Doubt, my anthem's chorus

Regrets, my crowning jewel

Some claim God is for us,

But I am no such fool.

God is on God's own side

And blame God, I cannot

For 'twas not God that left the path

To wander through the rot.

No, it was not God who pondered

Things best left forgot

No, 'twas I, and I alone

And God's fault, it was not.

THREE

I saw your face today

Amid the green and gray

Of fading times and seasons.

Even now, mutiny, treason

Committed by my heart

For though you tore me all apart

I miss you anyway

I still wish you could have stayed

But I've always been a fool

And love's warmth turning cool

Is just the way it goes

Heartbreak, I suppose

Is the thing that I know best

I'm just a masochist, I guess

Chasing down duress

Then hating it's caress.

But you knew that didn't you?

There, in your eyes, it's true

You took me for a fool

And damnit, you were right.

FOUR

I thought by now I'd have faith down

Instead, mostly I drown

With selfish desires

Build funeral pyres

For times when I cared.

I often despair

Of finding any virtue within,

For there's mostly sin

And reciprocal prayers

A sort of putting on airs

In a cyclical dance

A cynic's romance.

I ask God forgive what I've become

For what I've done

Is now too long to list

And I'm long past pretending I'll quit

Ennui of the soul is a cancer

A question without answer

Will I change, will I run

Back to what I've already done?

Does God hear, am I deaf?

Am I wasting my breath

Trying to come clean from this mark of death?

Cause I'm tired of the strain

Of this mark of Cain

For I confess, down on my face

I've sought so much of sin and so little of grace.

FIVE

For everyone I've hurt

God blood stained the dirt

Like red stars on sand skies

Galaxies for each of my lies

And universes for all of my sins

Wound upon wound on God skin

Each one should have been mine.

Thorns render irony's crown for divine

A King left a Kingdom behind

To bleed in the dirt

From death, bring rebirth

To restore sight to a soul so long blind

A soul, exactly like mine

Each wound should have been mine

Thoroughly earned, to my shame

Thoroughly burned, by my name

God wore a face in my place

And took onto Godflesh my pain.

Sometimes I think God insane

For surrendering when I'm to blame

For being impossibly good, and doing the should

Always, never shirking the pain.

God met death in my name

How can I know this, and still be the same?

SIX

You said what you said

And part of me died

Maybe you meant it

And maybe you lied

But those words were spoken

Now inside I'm broken

And my restless demons won't be denied.

How do you wrestle a legion?

With arms pinned behind back, no less

With feet in concrete

I've wrestled with less

But never to victory, this I confess

This daydream believer

Turned vitriolic receiver

Wrestling damned legions of fate

How well I know hate

Yet I feel it still

And I no longer know

Which part of me's real

The man, or the demons

And which one's been killed.

SEVEN

God, can you teach me to pray

Give me something to say

That would bring your voice to my soul

But that line's ringing cold

As if I prayed it before

So could you create a new door

To the forge of my heart

And give its fire a new start

Make me worry less about

Voicing my doubt

And more about hearing you speak

Less about being so weak

And more about freedom in grace

And more about running the race

To see you at it's end.

Let me go when you send

Without asking why

Not just stare at the sky

With my questions

And ignore my suggestions

That I'm not your tool

I know I'm a fool.

Help me trust what I can't

See without slant

Be what I ain't

Erase the taint

I bring, I'm absurd

Don't let me be heard

Until I can speak truth

Without saying a word.

EIGHT

I (have been, am, remain) a fool.

A slave to the pointless, a tool

For dulling sharper things

A spear made for clipping wings

Of those who would transcend

The state, the skin, the sin we're in.

I (have been, am, remain) a wreck

A joker pulled from playing deck

For wrenching every game

With my well-worn crown of shame

Embrace it, my refrain

As I, a fool, remain.

I (have been, am, remain) a fool

Pursuing death, defying rule

Of all more-suited Kings than I

Their will, I will deny

Imbibe, pursue defame

Ignominy my name

And I, a fool, remain.

NINE

Lost within my own skull

Every thought, hypothesis: null

No significant change

The demon still remains

The good still dwells in chains

The beast still holds the reins.

Every thought a muddled maze

Of hazy days, an endless phase

Of trying to overcome my sins

Without knowing where the beast begins.