What prayer haven't I prayed
How many times must you show me the way
Before I grasp it
Before I take hold
Why do I feel that my soul's growing old
While the rest of me acts like a child
Why can I not get it right
A weak willed coward that longs for a fight
Knowing I have glass jaw
I can't follow through
No matter what I do
I always choose wrong
A new verse the same song
New poem same rhyme
Same thought, different time
Why God, why can't I change?
I know I'm courting disaster
Another fist to the plaster
How long until the walls fall
And I'm left with nothing at all
For I brought everything down around me
I kicked every good thing to its knees
And when each one offered me Grace
I shot them all in the face
Knowing each death was a mistake
Made on purpose.
Why can I never sustain
Momentum out of this plane
This plateau of cliche
Where all that I pray
Is forgiveness for things I won't change
Mercy for wrongs I won't right
Asking for day while loving the night.
I don't call you lord
Because I'm sorely afraid
That you will ask more of me
Than I wish to pay
In truth, I know that you should
For you are good
And good demands sacrifice
And you are God
Not the pale facade
Of divinity in our charades
But the almighty
The first and undying
The enduring, the infinity
The chaotic serenity
That brings both life and death
War and rest to all that draw breath
Neath your sky
You're impossibility defined and defied
The beginning and ending
Somehow crucified
To bridge all divides
Between future and past
Between first and last
You're both lion and lamb
Defined as "I am"
Because you defy definition
And that thrills me
And scares me the same
Because you're not tame
And you called me by name
While I was still running away.
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